Brett

KEEPING
Peregrine One: A small tape recorder with a single tape. It contains a recording of Brett interviewing a teenage girl, Peregrine Wells, about her older brother Jacob's death.
Peregrine Two: A small tape recorder with a single tape. It's an interview between Brett and a teenage girl, Peregrine. It begins with her recounting the story of spending several days lost in the woods after a snowstorm, before devolving into something more of a personal discussion.
Otamatone - The future of music is now!!! Beep.
Corkboard - A small bulletin board with some pins stuck into it! Perfect for making intricate displays about how everything’s connected, or about non-existent workers in the building you work at.
Snow Globe - A souvenir from… it looks like Whitetail? Perfect to put on a shelf and look at once in a while.
Snow Globe - A souvenir from… it looks like Howl’s cabin? Perfect to put on a shelf and look at once in a while.
Funko Pop - A Funko Pop of one of your loved ones, namely Peregrine Wells! Collect them all!
Adamant Crystal: A strange blue ore with a faint glow to it. It's been passed down a certain family for generations, but it seems like nothing more than a night-light now. (Courtesy of Adaman)
The Soul Squad: A framed photograph of Jason with three other people and cupcakes. They all seem happy to be here. (Courtesy of Jason)
Blake: A real and not mythical penguin dressed in a teal Blake Bortles jersey. What a cute little guy! (Courtesy of Jason)

“Almond Flavoring” (x3) - A tightly-sealed vial of some kind of powder with a skull and crossbones on it and a very direct warning label informing the reader that it’s Literally Just Cyanide.
“Extra-Large Spice Grinder” (x4) - It’s. It’s just a full-on Medieval-style mace.
“Deluxe Letter Opener” - A one-and-a-half handed sword of decent make! For when you want to go Medieval on someone.
Shovel - A normal shovel. For digging. You know, with all the dirt you have access to.

Alien Buddy - A handsome friend. About the size of a small-to-medium-sized child?
Just A Normal Teapot: An ornate teapot with an especially long spout. Maybe don't put your mouth on the end of it. (Courtesy of Hild)
Figurine: a figurine depicting a blocky Aiba. Perhaps this place just couldn’t handle her full resolution. (Courtesy of… well, you know)
Stylish(?) Eyewear - A pair of very small red glasses that perch on the nose. Make you look like some kind of evil JRPG scientist or something.
Prince Shotoku's Globe: A spherical representation of Earth, about the size of a softball. Some believe it to be an "OOPArt" since it depicts a round Earth, despite being many centuries old.
A Snorkel: Probably not as helpful with breathing while you’re trapped in a safe as you thought. (Courtesy of Jason)
Blobfish Kigurumi - No one asked for this. No one needed to bring this into the world.
Starfleet Uniform - It's a Starfleet uniform! They come in red (command and navigation), blue (medical/science), and gold (engineering/communications). Which one will you wear? Go nuts, it's a classic cosplay!
Foam Dart Pistol - A small pistol that uses pressurized air to shoot foam darts! No notable brand, but it works well enough.
Teacher of the Year Plaque - It's a wooden plaque with a red apple on it, proclaiming someone named William Schuester the Teacher of the Year in 2012...except there's sloppy quotes carved around the word Teacher. How rude!
VILE-Brand Pen - A souvenir waterproof pen with the acronym VILE on it. Great for signing checks!
Bag of Orange Candy - The perfect pick-me-up when you're running around interfering with the weather.
Origami Instructions - A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper.
Atlas Shrugged - A hardbound copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand! Makes for poor reading, but fantastic kindling!
Bathrobe - A cheap deep red bathrobe, for when you want to look classy in your study but you just aren’t the kind of person with money for things like “a study” or “books” or “quality fabric.”
Punk Jeans - A pair of black skinny jeans torn and safety pinned back together so thoroughly, you’re not sure how much of the fabric is left. But hey, they fit!
Toy Laser Sword - A toy sword handle with a collapsible blade in one of several different colors! Not affiliated with any existing multimedia franchise.

YARD SARD
Brynhildr - A blue tome with gold inscriptions all over the cover. It looks like it's probably capable of all sorts of arcane things if you know how to use it. Unfortunately, no one here knows how to use it.
Beary Loud Outfit - Have you ever wanted to wear a jacket with plush bears on the arms with yellow pleather pants and platform sneakers? No? That's coward's talk.
Forbidden Throuple Portrait: A picture is worth a thousand words.
Rose Brooch: A brooch made of pink crystal, in the shape of a small rose. It's embellished with white ribbon and pearls.
Charlie Pants - A doll of a just wildly creepy-looking clown.
Model Vanguard: An exact 1:9 scale replica of a ceruleum-powered magitek vanguard (imperial pilot action figure not included). Part of the Guildmaster Series, this high-quality replica is so exact in its rendition of the vanguard's build that Garlemald has banned the item's import
Eau de Seduction- An extremely pungent men's cologne in a purple vial. Supposed to make the wearer irresistible, but would probably be more effective as a chemical weapon.
Synthesizer: For making your very own music! Virtual singers not included.
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Coconut - It’s a coconut. Secretly, as a food famous for floating, it’s suffering more than any of you, but it refuses to complain…
Hot Sauce - A bottle of very strong hot sauce! Use at your own risk!
Orange Gel - A more rare and expensive commodity these days! It would be more useful if magic was more easily accessible here, however...
Bootleg Bear Plush - A plush of some strange bear that’s black on its right side and white on its left, with one poorly-stitched red eye. Who is he? Why is he here? He has a terrible aura...
Foam Dart Pistol - A small pistol that uses pressurized air to shoot foam darts! No notable brand, but it works well enough.

RETURNED
Cruger (Doggy) - A big mutt of a dog, mostly blueish with a white belly. He’s very friendly, and looking at him makes you want to do better! … And pet him.
Clockwork Novus D: Modeled upon the popular magitek passenger vehicle Novus D, this tin toy is a favorite of Garlean children, who never tire of winding it up and watching it rattle along. A certain master engineer is said to have created it for both profit and pleasure.
Shampoo - Smells like roses and pegasus tears, according to someone back home. Very luxurious, very high-quality. Guaranteed to make your hair soft like never before.
Cloak of Duplication: Once a mystical vampiric artifact with the power of transfiguration, it's now just a long white cloak that will not help at all in concealing the body you hid in the walls!